lostplot

HERE IS WHAT THE TV
SERIES "LOST" SEEMS TO
ME TO BE ALL ABOUT.

(OF COURSE, SOMETIMES I GO NUTS)

Here is my other "take" on "Lost".

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BE CAREFUL OF SPOILERS – ESPECIALLY TOWARD THE END.
(OF COURSE, IT HAS TO BE UNDERSTANDABLE TO BE SPOILED.)

A plane crashed on a tropical island causing a doctor’s right eye to open and making a Korean woman
pregnant. As a result, her husband learned English, and a French lady called for help for 16 years. Also a
polar bear got shot, and the French lady captured a guy named Ben. But first the castaways found a hatch
with numbers on it and some smoke ate people. But Locke fell in love with the smoke and later turned into
smoke himself. A fat guy used the same numbers to win the lottery and then bought a chicken restaurant
which was later hit by a meteor. His name was Hurley or Hugo or something. Another plane appeared in a
tree top, but it eventually fell killing a guy in it who was listening to the radio. Also, there was a wrecked
ship full of dynamite, and occasionally someone picked up a stick of it and exploded.

There was an Iraqi interrogator named Sayid, who used his skills to beat another castaway called Sawyer
into revealing where he hid the nose spray. Sawyer was called that because his name was James Ford. The
doctor with the eye, named Jack, was supposed to be eliminated by the smoke, but the smoke got confused
and went after the plane’s pilot instead. It left the series pilot alone, which made some people happy and
other people very sad.

The castaways had to push a button every 108 minutes, or else a big magnet in the island would blow up the
world, unless they could turn a key which would release the magnet’s energy, blow up the hatch, and make a
guy named Desmond run around naked. The button was put there by the Dharma Initiative, a group of
scientists who came to the island because they liked magnets. Several years later, Desmond got thrown into
a well, but Sayid rescued him so he could climb down a hole in a lake and pull a rock out of another hole.
But that is getting ahead of the story.

Three men and a kid named Walt left the island in a raft but some Others kidnapped Walt and the three
men fell off the raft and got captured by people from the tail of the plane who, by then, were living in a
hole and trying to talk to the guy in the plane in the tree using their radio. They didn’t know the plane fell
out of the tree.

One of the tail people had two first names and shot the sister of the guy who fell out of the tree because
she thought the sister was hiding behind another tree and whispering. Actually she was running after Walt,
the kid from the raft, to give him back his dog. That made Two-First-Names very unpopular, but later she
redeemed herself by getting killed by Michael, who was Walt’s father, and who wanted to let Ben loose. A
few years later she took a bribe from Hurley or Hugo or something to let Desmond out jail. Ben was the guy
the French lady captured, but he was also the chief Other and had been a Dharma as a kid.

Anyway Jack, the doctor with the eye, got himself and two friends captured by Ben, who threw them into
the polar bear’s cage. But that was OK because the bear was dead and besides the cage was still producing
bear food, so they got enough to eat. One of the friends in the cage was Kate, Jack’s sweet and
sympathetic love interest who was wanted in the real world for 20 or 30 felonies including killing her step
father, who was mean. She had committed the other felonies in order to escape, so they didn’t count.
Sawyer was also in the cage. He and Kate had great fun in the cage while Jack was gone, but they didn’t
know he was watching on TV. Hell, so was everyone – even me.

That scene made Jack decide to operate on Ben and get involved with Juliet, whom he later killed by causing
her to fall down a hole where she exploded a hydrogen bomb. But that was after Juliet got involved with
Sawyer. Are you following this?

Anyway, they blew up Ben’s submarine and then waited for a rescue ship. It finally came, but it blew up
too. Some of the castaways were on board for the explosion, including Michael, Walt’s dad, who was killed
in the explosion and had to go and live on the island for the rest of his life. That was to atone for killing
the lady with two first names. Also Ben turned a wheel and released some light which made the island
disappear, but it must have reappeared somewhere else because at that point the series was only half over.
Besides, the kid’s father had to live somewhere. About this time they met an invisible guy named Jacob who
had something to do with something.

That wheel threw Ben all the way to California where he met six of the castaways who had escaped. Then
Locke showed up and Ben killed him just before they all got on another plane which crashed on the same
island where they found Locke both alive and dead. That was about the same time when some of Locke
turned into smoke. Most of the other castaways didn’t know what to do with themselves after the ship blew
up and left them on the island. So they traveled 30 years into the past where they joined the Dharma
Initiative and shot Ben, who was then a kid. That was what drove Ben to the Others. Then they found the
hydrogen bomb, which they put into that hole so Juliet could fall to the bottom, get killed, and explode the
bomb.

The explosion created two copies of the entire cast except for Locke. Since there were already two copies
of him (maybe three, if you count the smoke), the explosion created a third, or maybe fourth, copy,
although one copy was dead and one was smoke. One copy – not the smoke -- hooked up with Peggy Bundy
from “Married with Children” and started selling shoes. One of the live copies made Ben kill Jacob, who
turned out to be visible after all and looked like Macgyver, who made bombs out of carrots on his own show.
The other live Locke got run down by a Desmond copy driving a car. Another Locke threw another Desmond
into that well and later, when he got out again so he could pull a rock out of a hole, the story was just about
over. Desmond also got magnetized.

OK, OK, I just made up that part about shoes. And Jacob wasn’t really Macgyver. I checked. I still think
they looked alike.

Meanwhile, I was never quite sure whether the H-bomb had created another copy of Claire’s baby, named
Aaron, who was not on the island anyway. Oops. I forgot to mention Claire. She got pregnant and later
hooked up with Charlie, a dizzy musician on drugs who drowned because he found out he was talking to the
wrong ship. Claire wanted to go to Los Angeles so that someone there could adopt Aaron, who was instead
born on the island and then escaped on a helicopter and wound up living in Los Angeles. When some
castaways escaped and most of the others traveled 30 years into the past, Claire couldn’t go, so she went
nuts, stopped combing her hair, and adopted a dead squirrel. At least I think it was a squirrel. I’m sure
it was dead. But the H-bomb copy of Claire was still pregnant and didn’t give birth until just before the
end of the final episode. That was also in Los Angeles, so there may be a “Lost” sequel someday called
“The Two Aarons” in which Aaron teams up with himself and solves crimes. They might bring Macgyver back
for that, too.

One Kate copy was tried and found not guilty, but the police were still chasing the other one. By that time,
Sawyer was a cop and caught Kate in an alley apparently forgetting all about the bear cage.

They blew up another submarine and this time it killed Sayid, who was already dead, I think. That made
everyone sad because he was a hero who died trying to run away with the bomb to save the sub, which was
difficult because it was submerged at the time. This explosion also killed the show’s most sympathetic
lovers, Sun and Jin, the Korean couple. That made everyone very angry at the show’s producers even though
there was another copy of Sun and Jin alive, well, and pregnant in Los Angeles. Well, at least the Sun copy
was pregnant. The dead Sun copy had already given birth.

Anyway, to make a long story short and wrap this up before it gets confusing, Jacob and his brother found a
glowing lake, so they trapped the root of all evil in a wine bottle and the brother tried to kill Jacob. After
Ben went inside a very large foot and actually accomplished this, Jacob knew that he needed a replacement
to do whatever he did. So he hired Jack, the doctor with the eye, who later gave the job to Hurley or
Hugo or something, but not before fighting one of the Locke copies, who was shot by Kate and fell over a
wet cliff. Meanwhile the other copy of Jack saved the Locke copy that the Desmond copy ran over. Then
the other Desmond finally pulled that rock out of that hole which made a character named Richard get a
gray hair. It also made the island shake so hard that it was very difficult for them to take off in the plane
that had crashed on the island -- the second crashed plane, that is. The first crashed plane couldn’t go
because it was in too many pieces and besides they needed it as a backdrop for the closing credits, which
were only moments away.

It turned out that all of the California copies belonged to the same church, so they all met there and
remembered that they were all dead. A pure white light showed up right on cue outside the church, so
someone opened the door to allow the light inside, and they all lived happily ever after except for Ben who
didn’t go into the church so no one knows what happened to him. He may team up with the Aarons.

On the island, Jack jumped into the glowing lake, which was now glowing the wrong color because the rock
wasn’t in the hole. He replaced the rock, which fixed everything, and the crashed plane took off. Jack
crawled back out of the hole in the lake and into a bamboo field where he got licked by a dog and then
closed his eye.

He may have died, but on this show you never can tell.

All of this has a deep meaning which finally became clear to me sometime during the last season. Under no
circumstances can we allow a nuclear war to happen because, although it won’t actually kill anyone who hasn’t
fallen into a hole, it will nevertheless make another copy of just about everyone including those who started
the war in the first place. Then there will be enough of them to start two nuclear wars, which will make
enough copies to start 4 wars, and so on. After a few more rounds of this, the world could become a very
dangerous place.